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Joke of the Day

"Why is reddit bad grammar? Because you can't read a dit."

"Maybe I forgot to text back. Maybe it's Maybelline."

"Being God means never having to say you're sorry. Or anything, really."

"What happens to Nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen"

"Word of warning, if you're in a job interview and you are asked, ""Do you smoke?"" Don't reply with, ""Depends what it is..."""

"How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder. ""Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"""

"My grandfather died of asbestosis. Took 6 months to cremate him. This works better in person when you get the other person believing you first."

"Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence? Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy. Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids. Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is."

"What did the flight attendant say to get the attention of the plane full of Kim Basinger clones? ""Attention Basingers"" hahaha"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Burns ! Burns who ? Burns me up !"