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Joke of the Day

"God lets you know where you stand with him by how tangled your headphones get."

"I took my wife to see the doctor today hoping to sort out her tourettes problem. It turns out she doesn't have it... I am a bastard and she really does want me to f**k off..."

"Why did the farmer screw their sheep on a cliff? They push back harder. (Told to me by my NZ step father about Australians, of course.)"

"Did you guys hear about what Nelly thought? She thought chicken manure was jelly."

"What do fat girls and mopeds have in common? They're both fun to ride, until your friends find out."

"How do you titillate an Ocelot? Ocillate it's tit a lot"

"What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college ? Bison."

"""Truth or dare"" ""Truth"" ""What's your credit card number"""

"Oscar Pistorius gets six years jail. Jail, then home detention, and back to jail. Wow, for someone with no legs he's covering a lot of ground."

"Where do you park Two Ships of Theseus? At a Pair of Docks"