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Joke of the Day

"Saw some Advil on the floor this morning and sincerely thought ""Better just leave it there so I know where it is."""

"Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, ""I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha. ""I replied, 20 x 0 = 0."""

"""I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In"" is my favorite Taylor Swift song about a racist shop owner."

"What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers? ""Who the hell ordered a new roof?"""

"Someone asked me why I only date terminal cancer patients... They asked if I did it to show them love during their waning months, which is a nice thought. But I'm really just bad with commitment."

"If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do people with one leg work? IHOP."

"What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?"

"Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I'd say not relating well to other sentient beings. -I meant about the janitor job. Me: Oh ya, I don't know how to sweep"

"What do you call a fake noodle? An ImPASTA!"

"How do frat boys cut down trees? With a sah, dude"