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Joke of the Day

"Give me your coconut water and organic gluten-free cookies, unless there's peanuts in them because I'm allergic."" - 2015 school bully"

"Only Two Things Can Change A Women's Mood 1.I Love You. 2.50% Discount"

"I wish I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if my hair really was ginger.. Then again I just wish people would talk to me"

"Ref: I'm sending you off Player: What for? Ref: The rest of the match!"

"My parents say I am a Cancer... I was born in March..."

"What's the right age to tell your kids Canada isn't real?"

"I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend."

"I hope one day they invent a car named ""The S-Car"" Because everyone will see it and say, ""Look at that S-Car go!"""

"Why don't debutantes like group sex? Too many Thank You notes to write."

"""Masturbation"" is such a harsh word. I prefer ""Hand-to-gland combat""."