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Joke of the Day
"You may say the glass is half full or half empty. I say fill the rest of my damn cup!"
Next Joke
"*goes to grocery store *puts ""gently used"" sticker on all their cucumbers"
"The worst birthday present I ever got... ...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded ""because your mom said you grew a foot."""
"People always ask 'how do you cope with erectile disfunction'? Honestly, it's not that hard"
"Why is MetLife Stadium the windiest stadium in the NFL? Because there's a Giant fan in every seat."
"One of my buddies lost his right arm in a car accident which is a huge bummer, so much money wasted on tattoos"
"I just downloaded more RAM... ...but I still can't play No Man's Sky."
"Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to begin eating itself, as it was the less painful way to die."
"My Italian grandmother just got a stair chair lift, I asked her how she likes it... she said ... ""IT DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL"""
"Light a fire for a man and keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life."