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Joke of the Day

"While I was very disappointed & angry to find my daughter smoking a cigarette I'll be damned if she didn't look cooler."

"Bad pickup line: those jeans look very becoming on you, Then again, if I were on you I'd be coming too"

"Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch? It's made from scratch ^*NB ^OP ^is ^heckle-proof*"

"Life is like a bed of roses. You just have to watch out for the pricks."

"My Muslim wife left me the other day.... I guess she didn't know what Jihad."

"what do a toddler and a case of new pencils have in common? They are both pointless."

"my tortoiseshell sunglasses make me see the whole world through the kelvin instagram filter"

"Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads."

"What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog."

"Why doesn't Reno Jackson like torrenting? Because he's always fighting pirates XD"