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Joke of the Day

"Just hit a white kid with dreadlocks with my car. He understood why."

"I'm glad we finally have a strong leader I mean Putin has how many years of experience? The states are in good Russian hands."

"ME:[defending myself] Oh yeah?? Well I got 5 words for you buddy: please be nice to me"

"If you want to annoy a programmer... Give him a bug-type Pokemon"

"My friend said he's moving Saturday... I would have offered to help, but where would we move it to- Sunday?"

"[OC] My best friend recently lost the front of his foot in a boating accident and now I hate him. I'm surprised by how lactose intolerant I am."

"I hate Russian dolls They're so full of themselves."

"My credit card was stolen today I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does."

"I had a conversation with a Mobius strip... It was one-sided."

"I once hung out with Rupert Murdoch (Fox News Boss) and Vince McMahon (WWE)... ...they spent the whole day sharing tips and tricks to manage the make-believe worlds they have created."