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Joke of the Day

"I don't go back to my hometown very often because I've burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson."

"What is something that is invisible and lying on the floor? [RACISM ALERT!] A black man that has gotten the shit kicked out of him."

"Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask for directions."

"Happy Thursday guys and remember. If you can't spot the douche at work today, then it's probably you."

"Barista: Did you hear Netflix is raising its price $2 a month? Me: Ridiculous! I won't pay it! B: here's your coffee. $12.32 M: thank you"

"""I trust that guy about as far as I can throw him."" -The Incredible Hulk, about a guy he trusts a lot"

"How do really crazy people get through the forest? Via the psycho path."

"What's Anakin Skywalker's favorite beer? Yeungling. He can kill off a 12-pack by himself."

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"Growing a beard is the closest I've come to caring for an animal."