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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a black priest? Holy shit."

"i'm like a biiiird / i wanna shit on cars"

"No one ever said life was easy, but several people said you were."

"Dear phone. If you wouldn't remind me every ten seconds that my battery was low, I'd be able to finish my status upda"

"Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist."

"DiCaprio movie endings; Shutter Island: is he dead? Titanic: is the boat dead? Romeo & Juliet: is everyone dead? Inception: am I dead?"

"I can tell we still live in a sexist society because... Doctors still make more money than nurses."

"I started volunteering with children today. Should I use anti-bacterial hand gel, or is spraying them in the face with Lysol enough?"

"How do you make a bunch of Redditors mad? [deleted]"

"My therapist told me to I need to learn to love myself... That would be settling, though- I can do better than that piece of crap!"