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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between reddit and hell? Hell *fires* bad people"

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"What's a mathematicians worst nightmare? An EULer spill"
"Do you know what the kid with no hands got for Christmas? Me neither. He couldn't open his presents."
"Trump will be President until 2020 It would have been 20:15, but the sniper got stuck in traffic..."
"I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you'd better do what I meant and not what I said."
"The scarecrow won employee of the month again... He's outstanding in his field."
"Babies have little hands and odd sleep schedules which is why my gym for buff infants has miniature equipment and stays open 24hrs."
"Co-worker: You drink a lot of coffee!!!! Me: It's for your own safety."
"Him: So what do you do? Me (hoping to save up for some bushes at the edge of my property): I run a hedge fund."
"What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog? A dog who can lick himself from across the room"