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Joke of the Day

"What's Trump's favorite place to shop? *Wall-Mart* ^^pls ^^no ^^kill ^^I ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^at ^^2 ^^in ^^the ^^morning"

"what do you call a patronizing criminal walking down stairs a condescending con descending"

"No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword"

"Two windmills are in a field... ...And one says to the other, ""Hey, do you like football?"" The other one replies, ""Yeah, I'm a big fan""."

"- Knock knock. - Who's there? - It's the pilot! OPEN THE F**ING DOOR!!!"

"A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend."

"Him: Why do you wear riding boots? You don't ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers? You don't sneak."

"My exes broke up with me because I'm a pot lover. I guess you can say they don't have high standards."

"Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise? He was looking for the Captain's log."

"Sometimes you just need to reach out and touch someone. With a shovel. On the side of the head."