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Joke of the Day
"What are the hottest days during summer? Sun-days"
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"""So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?"" -me to everyone at Starbucks."
"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Taste"
"i love summer so much *sits around doing nothing*"
"A sad story A boy was jelous of his baby brother, so he put poison on his mother's nipples. The next day, the gardener died."
"'Two can play that game...' -people who dont understand that's how games usually work"
"Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.' We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'"
"I'm going to save my resolution for 2015, I think I want to be an asshole for another year."
"Trump Drops out of the race, and makes America great again."
"What do you call a lawncare company owned by a promiscuous lesbian? Hoe Mow"