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Joke of the Day

"[at the pearly gates] I said, ""send me a selfie."" Then she said, ""too ugly today."" So I said, ""never stopped you before"" ...& here I am."

"Why are black people so good at basketball? Because it involves shooting, stealing and running."

"Why do elephants wear green shoes? So they can sneak across pool tables. Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table? Works, doesn't it?"

"How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag ? You take the ""F"" out of way."

"There are two types of people in this world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.... .."

"How do you know that your gynecologist is nearsighted? His nose is wet."

"House is a good doctor. He's also got a good heart. He should let his friends see the real him. But he's scared."

"I once shook hands with Michael J Fox He seemed pretty offended, but in my defense, the room was cold."

"You know what the funniest thing is about dementia?"

"This guy in my living room must think I'm an idiot, he says he picked my lock but I distinctly remember choosing it at the store by myself."