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Joke of the Day

"Can I get a football meatlong? With please, cheese."

"What do English pirates call each other? M80"

"What did Adam say to Eve on the day before Christmas? ""It's Christmas, Eve."""

"[phone makes noise] [gets giddy about how popular I'm about to feel] Oh. It's an email about car insurance. [quietly dies a little inside]"

"Muslims are so open minded when it comes to politics They believe in the separation of church and state !"

"Helen Keller walks into a bar.... And a table.....then some chairs..."

"me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot"

"i just thought of a funny line to use in my old age ""when i am having trouble peeing, i look down, and tell my penis to stop being a dick, and get on with it."""

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy."

"my nana and bb8 i recently got the sphero bb8 and my nana asked 'what is that' 'its bb8' 'who?' 'a robot from star wars' 'oh, so is there a mouse in side it?'"