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Joke of the Day
"TIFU when I deleted my gym membership, hit my lawyer, & posted it to Facebook."
Next Joke
"I hate when I think there's an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle."
"Do you think Professor that my wife should take up the piano as a career? No I think she should put down the lid as a favor."
"What do you call a spanish speaking Coffee Translatte."
"My girlfriend said last night ""Fuck me like a man"" So I putted in her ass and started calling her George"
"What do you call an Irishman sitting on your front porch? Paddy O'Furniture"
"Who's the biggest player in the Hundred Acre Wood? Eeyore, he's always chasing that tail."
"FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!"
"Who invented the equation? A X-pert"
"I've been Nominated for Facebook's New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2013!.......In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!"