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Joke of the Day

"Don't scream. I came to your house because you never responded to my DMs. Are you OK?"

"Why shouldn't a dentist and manicurist be in a relationship? All they will do is fight tooth and nail!"

"dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows"

"*maintains eye contact while checking 'Dating Librarians For Dummies' out from the library."

"I'm so old that I was the tv remote when I was a kid"

"I bought a pair of sneakers from my drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with because I have been tripping all week."

"Why was the whistleblower late for his annual winter whistleblower's convention? Because he was Snowden!"

"When you realize you're enjoying the May weather... But you want Pacquiao to win..."

"Why do so many /r/thedonald users work in movie theaters? Because they're great at projecting."

"I'm celibate because i don't give a fuck."