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Joke of the Day

"*calls boss* Me: I can't come to work. Boss: Why not? Me: Gotham city needs me. Boss: ...You're not Batman. Me: Oh, yes, yes, exaaaactly."

"Two fish are sitting in a tank One says to the other one, "" do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Facebook, where a bathroom shot of a duckface is considered hot'"

"I'm so sick and tired of all the Internet bullying. ""My password is NOT weak. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!"""

"If your partner/spouse tells you they're not reading everything you tweet: A) they're lying B) hi honey!"

"My friend is addicted to interventions and I don't know how to help him."

"What do you call an old person from Portugal? A portugeeser"

"What kind of bikes do girls ride? Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)"

"Hillary's team is really going all out to get the LGBTQ vote... They've even convinced Huma to get rid of her Weiner."

"If attacked by a pack of clowns.... Go for the juggler."