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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Ok. The boy fell in the mud. Ready for a clean joke? Yeah. He took a bath."

"Girlfriend mentioned she was lacking iron in her diet.nnnI gave her all my wrinkled shirts.nnnAnd that's how the fight started."

"I'm thinking of becoming a yoga instructor... but I know know how I'm going to support myself."

"Right now a group of women at a baby shower are simultaneously saying, ""Awwww..."" while some knocked up chick holds up a tiny pair of socks."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face."

"How many bees does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but I don't know how they got in there."

"13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood. Me: How abo- 11yo: WEAK WIFI, BUFFERING, BAD DATA PLAN! ..shoot me now."

"""Live this Friday like it was your last."" The Mayans"

"I bet a lot of Seattle fans' wives had to order pizzas last night"

"*reaches for the stars* Stars: I have a boyfriend"