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Joke of the Day

"I bet a lot of Seattle fans' wives had to order pizzas last night"

"Mosquitoes use a numbing agent so we feel no pain from their bites. This is one easy way to tell if you were bitten by a mosquito or a shark"

"Soliciting a blowjob is illegal. Soliciting a blowjob is illegal, but betting a whore $50 she can't swallow your cum isn't."

"I like to make jokes about summarizing stories without context. For example: *...Long story short, my mother isn't allowed to walk on the neighbor's lawn anymore*"

"I used to love your updates. Then you pissed me off, and now your updates piss me off too."

"Hey movie villains make a bomb where the wires are all one color."

"3251 I know you've all heard it before, but it's one of my favorites"

"Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be."

"Personally, I think Lance Armstrong should keep his trophies and awards. Last time I rode a bike on drugs I ended up in my neighbors bushes"

"Chinese takeout Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless."