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Joke of the Day

"I hate people who make cancer jokes. They have no sense of tumor."

"Van Gogh's girlfriend.. Van Gogh's girlfriend was overwhelmed with emotion when he cut off his ear and gave it to her. She said, ""Oh my love, why did you do it?"" Van Gogh replied, ""pardon?"""

"What do Snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren."

"GUY WITH TONS OF BLACKLIGHTS AROUND HIS APARTMENT: Hey come on in! GUY WHO LIKES TO RUB CAT URINE ALL OVER HIMSELF: Ummm. Nah I'm good."

"What's the worst part about being a prostitute? The customer always comes first."

"Why do vegetarian chefs type with their feet? Because they have great toe fu."

"My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix."

"Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore..... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband."

"Some people don't like vegetable puns... but I don't carrot all about their opinions."

"Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection? I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)"