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Joke of the Day
"My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died... She got eaten by a giant crab"
Next Joke
"Just like to give a shout out to the guy who plays triangle in our orchestra. Thanks for every ting."
"[On stage at comedy club] ""Doritos: 11 chips per serving"" *audience erupts in laughter* ""Oreos: 3 cookies per serving"" *audience loses it*"
"Jesus loves me. This I know. For my neighbor told me so. Jesus is a Puerto Rican that lives two doors down. I'm flattered...but straight."
"A vampire walks into a bar... He orders a cup of hot water. When he gets it he smiles, whips out a bloody tampon, and says Time for Tea!"
"Is fapping while high hijacking? Or is it weed whacking?"
"I mutter ""you arrogant asshole"" when my phone auto-corrects 'iphone' to 'iPhone'"
"What brand of computer is best at singing? A Dell"
"I just did a fart that was like the movie 'The Sixth Sense' There was a weird twist at the end, now I'm afraid to look"
"Ya know, I've never taken an ugly girl to bed... Woke up with a few though."