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Joke of the Day

"I saw a middle aged man staring at a picture of his very first steps. With tears in his eyes, he told me he regrets ever replacing the steps with an elevator."

"What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud."

"At this point most of the hugs I'm involved in are just my kids using me as a napkin."

"I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone's house on fire. Either way, I'm prepared."

"What do you call a Blonde doing a handstand? NSFW A Brunette with bad breath."

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? One is against the law, the other is a sick bird. Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!"

"Dirtiest joke I ve ever heard (sorry if it s a repost) How can you tell when your sister s having her period? Your dad s cock starts to taste of blood."

"Mozart got sick and tired and decided to slaughter all his chickens. They wouldn't stop going Bach bach bach."

"Due to my obsessive reading I have a wonderful vocabulary of words I can't use in conversation, because I don't know how to pronounce them."

"Why don't the French enjoy travelling to Northern Ireland? Because they don't like the smell of Derry air."