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Joke of the Day

"Marriage. Because your shitty day doesn't have to end at work."

"What animal has the tendency to be a half-ass A mule"

"Me: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess Friend: That's OK. I don't mind M: The mess tho F: Don't be silly M: I don't want u in my house"

"Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist? Because she thought everybody loved her."

"Why did the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken."

"Where do facts come from? The factory."

"I told my neighbor with a cute daughter this joke today and it's killing him. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at 'C'"

"TIL that in some states, graffiti vandals are fined $100-200 per letter. So if you make a whole bunch of letters, you could end up with a hefty sentence."

"Q: What do modern artists eat for breakfast? A: Surreal."

"Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*"