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Joke of the Day

"Coffee's a great way to fool yourself into believing you're going to have a productive day."

"Do you know the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? Only one of them will stop screwing you after you're dead."

"I know I sound like a broken record but tomorrow I'll sound like a misfiring engine and, next week, continuous loud television static."

"My gay friend told me he's spending this 4/20 with his boyfriend. He said, ""After all, the Bible says 'Two men who lie together shall be stoned'."""

"What kind of overalls does Mario wear? Denim, denim, denim. edit: (works best if said out loud)"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you? A stick"

"Someone came up to me and stole my candle I was incensed!"

"I'd like to be a double agent. Or maybe a single agent/pirate. Maybe even a velociraptor. Definitely a velociraptor/pirate agent."

"If by loves to travel you mean secretly following you every where you go from a safe distance then yes I love to travel."

"Wanna hear a joke about a piece of paper ? Nevermind , it's tearable."