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Joke of the Day

"Re: global warming and the cold weather ""Liberals keep telling me the Titanic is sinking but my side of the ship is 500 feet in the air."""

"When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring... When she was in a good mood, it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead..."

"Did you hear about the Buddhist Viking? He believed he'd be Bjorn again"

"My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me."

"I can honestly say that the ""Just Say No!"" approach kept me completely drug free throughout my youth. Whenever I saw a group of kids doing drugs and I asked if I could try some, they just said ""No!"""

"My band is called 999 megabytes. We don't have any gigs. lol"

"Me: Is there alcohol in this? Barista: ... No ma'am. Me: Can there be?"

"[hitting a beach ball back and forth with son] *accidentally hits it over his head and into an outdoor concert* ""don't bother son, its gone"""

"I hope my boss asks me to draw a bunch of cats wearing top hats today cause then I'll already be done my work and I can leave early"

"If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I'd probably pick living."