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Joke of the Day

"Assistant: Uh sir? Your personalized jean jacket is very cool but it looks like the store screwed up. It says STAN on the back. Satan: WHAT"

"Somewhere in the world, a woman gives birth once a minute. It must suck to be her."

"I've finally stopped drinking for good. And I've started drinking for evil."

"""At some point"" is my favorite time to meet up with people."

"After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, ""I'll keep that in mind"" and walk off"

"Spice up your otherwise trite wedding by making the groomsmen act as pallbearers and carry the groom to the altar in a casket"

"Sometimes I'll just go ""liking"" some shit on the Internet and I honestly don't even know if I really mean it."

"Aw look he's about to say his first words! ""Say dada!"" *baby opens mouth* Here it comes! *airhorn noise*"

"Horses are nice, they're like motorcycles you can pet"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Argo ! Argo who ? Argo down to the beach for my holidays"