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Joke of the Day

"Assistant: Uh sir? Your personalized jean jacket is very cool but it looks like the store screwed up. It says STAN on the back. Satan: WHAT"

"Bernie Sanders Draws 28,000 in Portland Rally I never would have guessed he was such a talented and quick artist."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? I'll see you next month"

"Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party? Because he had no-body to dance with."

"How do you get down off a horse? You don't, you get down off a duck."

"I like my women like I like my skippin' rocks Skinny and easy to throw"

"Here's my favorite limerick. There once was a man from Nantuckett Whose dick was so long he could suck it Wiping cum from his chin He said with a grin If my ear was a pussy, I'd fuck it!"

"I told my son about the bird's and the bee's... And he told me about my wife and the butcher."

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"

"I fucked a bitch at work today and guess what happened? Pet store fired me"