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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock. Who's there? Smell mop."

"How much does a hipster weigh? ....An instagram."

"What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired? Oh snap!"

"Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is ""conjoined twins""."

"STATUS: Using the flashlight on my phone to look for the keys that are in my hand so I can open my car cuz I think I left my phone in there."

"Can't wait for the next Jason Bourne movie. I heard he becomes a Christian and starts a church for ex-treadstone agents... It's called Bourne Again"

"I Never Buy Anything Containing Velcro It's all a total rip-off"

"Did you hear about the new drug that makes its users apathetic? It's called Crystal Meh"

"Kermit and Miss Piggy are in bed and Miss Piggy says ""Kermit what are you going to do to my asshole tonight"" Kermit replied ""Rippit""."

"I didn't say you were ugly, I just said you were facially challenged."