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Joke of the Day

"Shoes from a drug dealer I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"I am a Buddhist atheist, I hope I'm reincarnated as a atheist Buddhist."

"If you ever get really mad. All you have to do is think about a T-Rex trying to pick up a basketball."

"What did the duck say after it split the atom ? Quark ! Quark !"

"What does a man with five dicks wear? Pants that fit like a glove."

"[Christmas] 6:30kids are excited 7:30kids are playing 8:00kids are fighting 9:00kids are crying 9:15wife is yelling 9:30I am drinking"

"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."

"Why do they call it Anal Bleaching ? Surely it should be called changing your Ring Tone."

"Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan."

"My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation."