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Joke of the Day

"""Here, let me fill your head with a bunch of opinionated bullshit that's not actually news"" - Every major news outlet"

"What is flat, at the center of the universe, and warming?"

"She was only a moonshiner's daughter But I loved her still."

"My I.Q. goes from 125 to about 14 when there's a hot girl around."

"Reddit right now http://imgur.com/hcmqCjU"

"Mall walkers: never has anyone taken so seriously something that's so seriously ridiculous."

"A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair. ""Haircut sir?"" asked the barber. ""No just change the oil please!"""

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims, they went through 110 stories in 4 seconds"

"I looked at a shelf once online and now every ad is like ""SO YOU LIKE SHELVES??????"" and everywhere i go i think a shelf is following me"

"Accidentally picked up two traffic cones instead of my children again"