79344

Joke of the Day

"What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common? It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap."

"His many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? ............ Ten Tickles........"

"At the mortuary.. -How do you want to handle your mother in law? Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried? -All of them, lets not take any chances"

"Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?"

"Whenever someone mentions rat poison part of me imagines a tiny rodent cover band playing 80s power ballads."

"Shot through the heart and you're to blame. You give archers who shoot apples off of people's heads a bad name."

"There was this church that was so so small That instead of having a crucified jesus they had one hanging"

"Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can! Why can't humans? Because they'll bite us!"

"If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit"

"Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle. Easy when I have a knife."