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Joke of the Day

"I have pet snakes, turtles, and lizards. They are a family but I think they hate each other. I think I have A reptile disfunction."

"Why do indie kids suck at karate? They never got past the white belt."

"Why do people call their weed the Koran? Because if your burn it, it gets you stoned"

"Bad News: I'm back on Ambien. Good News: Side effects include the chance of hallucinations. Best News: Just ate lunch with Jesus."

"IMAGINE the trash talk that goes on between Oxford & Cambridge ""I say. I heard your mum once went to Wolverhampton"" ""You take that BACK SIR"""

"What did the sea say to the shore? Nothing, he just waved. Christmas crackers are the worst."

"4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said."

"Current fitness level: arm is tired from brushing teeth."

"I use Google to check if I have internet connection more than I use Google to Google."

"My friend has just got back from Africa and isn't feeling well He keeps buying raffle tickets. Im worried he has tombola..."