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Joke of the Day

"Based on my family's hatred for vegetables and always throwing them in the garbage, I hope I'm never in a coma."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""My bad"" mean the same thing Unless you're at a funeral"

"What award was given to the best knock-knock joke winner? The No-Bell prize."

"I went to school without my shoes today. I got shoe-spended for a week."

"My wife accused me of pedophilia... So I dropped her right back in her stroller, and walked out."

"Why was the marshmallow stuck to the tree? It was taped."

"Super hot girl working the snack stand at the theater ... and I just ordered a ""cockporn with extra butter"". Thanks brain."

"What do you call a dog who loves to be dominated? A sub woofer. Thank you & God Bless"

"If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims"

"Microwaves don't need to give warning beeps after cooking the food - the last thing I'm going to do is forget I just made pizza rolls."