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Joke of the Day

"I wish my penis felt the same way my nose currently does. Because then it too would be raw from having been blown all day."

"I like how Subway sells ""healthy footlong"" sandwiches, as if anything is healthy when you're eating it by the foot."

"What do you get when you cross a child and an alligator? An alligator."

"A wine tasting? Where people SPIT OUT precious wine?! Sure, maybe we could go to the humane society and watch them put puppies to sleep too."

"Want to know how copper wire was invented? Two jews fighting over a penny."

"A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used tampon and say yes im making tea!"

"Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents"

"My friend told me he thought I was a hipster. I told him I thought I was a hipster way before he did."

"A horse walks into a bar... ...the bartender asks, ""Why the long face?"" The horse replies, ""I have AIDS."""

"Nice try ""Marco Rubio"" or should I say... [rearranges letters] ""BIRAC UBOMA"" [audience gasps]"