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Joke of the Day

"Why did the lollipop cross the road? ... Cause it was stuck to the chicken. I heard that on the radio today. I LOLed."

"What is the best way to avoid having your flight bombed? Bring your own bomb! Cause what are the odds that there are **two** bombs on the same plane?"

"It sucks that slavery is illegal now... We have to get them from the black market these days."

"How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None... They just sit in the dark and bitch about it."

"I love Alfredo sauce. Unless you're a dude named Alfredo."

"What's the difference between a lobster with boobs and a filthy bus stop? One's a busty crustacean while the other's a crusty bus station."

"The company hates when I helicopter into work. It's always, ""zip up your pants and go see HR now!"""

"I used to think I had an ass that prison inmates would die for, now, I don't know."

"Me: The salad with chicken, cheese and can you put it between slices of bread? Waiter: So a sandwich? Me: I'd prefer if we called it a salad"

"I was speaking to my friend He was telling me about a plan he had to change all the numbers in the world into roman numerals. I said ""Not on my watch"""