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Joke of the Day

"How to check whether you have a fast PC... Click anywhere on your desktop (not on icon). Quickly press on keyboard Ctrl+A then Enter. So you will know."

"My GPA.. My GPA is the square root of -16. An imaginary 4.0"

"[ring] Me: Hi Mom: You picked up. Me: I know M: Why Me: You called M: I wanted to leave a message Me: Just tell me M: Hang up [ring] Me: Hi"

"What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker? A Pull-it-surprise!"

"I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today."

"I wanted to tell a Lord of the Rings joke.... but all the good ones Aragorn"

"My name is Seamus and I build that bridge you just drove over. It's the longest spanning bridge in Ireland. Do they call me Seamus the Famous Bridge Builder? No, they don't, but fuck one sheep..."

"A blind man ... walks into a fish market, pauses and says ""Hello Ladies!"""

"I'd like to put a big red bow on the coffin of the guy who came up with those Lexus ads."

"You know how drinks always mention ""Please drink responsibly"" ? ... Well I want to start a beef jerky brand that mentions ""Please jerk responsibly"""