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Joke of the Day

"My mood ring was stolen today. I'm not sure how I feel about it."

"Him: You're not like other girls Me: [foghorn sound]"

"Women can be so ungrateful. I just made breakfast in bed & instead of thanking me, she screams ""Who are you! How did you get in my house?"""

"There is probably a lot of ATM security camera footage of me rocking the fuck out."

"Quiting smoking is easy I've done it hundreds of times."

"I took a really sloppy poo today... My ass was wiped more times than Ian Watkins' search history"

"On the set of a movie... ""Alright folks that's a wrap"" ""Actually sir it's a panini"" ""Ugh..Take five"" But there weren't enough paninis for everyone to take 5"

"North Korea new leader After Kim Jong Un dies, North Korea will be ruled by his son, Kim Jong Deux."

"The difference between men and women is that for men, ""stabby"" is not an emotion."

"I got my IQ test results back today They were negative."