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Joke of the Day

"In the 17th century, villagers would burn down entire neighborhoods to combat diseases such as bubonic plague, typhus, and gluten."

"I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time."

"Good news: He told me I was his penguin. Bad news: Penguins only have sex once a year."

"Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down."

"Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas."

"If you enjoy sitting around and doing nothing, I'm your girl."

"What do fat chicks and brick walls have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans."

"Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*"

"It's My First Cake Day and I'm Scrambling. How Does Moses Make his Tea? He Brews It!"

"how does Justin Bieber remove a condom? He farts."