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Joke of the Day

"[at a child's birthday party] Lady: which one's yours? Me: uhh, that one L: that's my daughter M: *grabs the cake and runs*"

"What's got four legs and one arm? A Rottweiler."

"Trying to make a collage for my preschooler's art project using magazine cut-outs, but I keep ending up with ransom notes."

"What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine's day."

"I became a proud dad today, my boy is actually 4 but he was a little prick for the first 3 years."

"My grandpa told me his secret of how he would pick up Jewish girls in Auschwitz so easily. He used a broom & dustpan."

"iPhone 8 should have no charging port. So you can use it only once."

"just met a guy who's using an empty beef jerky bag as a wallet so don't worry you're probably doing just fine"

"btw, my linkedin endorsements for ""Dreamweaver"" are for me singing the song Dreamweaver and not for using that software"

"""I've got toes in different area codes."" - Ludacris steps on a land mine"