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Joke of the Day

"[at a child's birthday party] Lady: which one's yours? Me: uhh, that one L: that's my daughter M: *grabs the cake and runs*"

"What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas Eve !"

"What did the constipated mathematician do? He worked his problems out with a pencil and paper."

"""BANGING BODY"" Thanks ""What's your secret?!"" I eat fireworks ""..."" BOOM"

"My downstairs neighbor was yelling and banging on the ceiling until 3 AM Did that bother you? Not much. I was up til about the same time practicing my trumpet."

"They found horse meat in food in the U.K. ... ... and horse piss in the beer in the U.S."

"There are 3 types of guys in this world 1) Handsome 2) Lucky 3) Me"

"What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? I'll be home in 20 minutes."

"Don't you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That's why I do it."

"Natural Rights - opposite of natural lefts"