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Joke of the Day

"*Me, getting my arm bitten off during a zombie apocalypse* 5: *crying* Me: It's okay, son. 5: You said you were gonna get me a snack."

"I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine. What the fuck is ""left over wine""?"

"My wife and I were extremely happy for 20 years ....and then we met."

"If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is."

"Megan with an h? Whatever Hmegan...."

"What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? Shame and sadness at the slow decline of their once beautiful and vibrant culture."

"What cologne do engineers wear? Elon's musk"

"Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy."

"TEENS: You might find yourself ""embarrassed"" by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed."

"What would you name a star wars movie featuring Pluto? This is really just a bad pun, but to me those are the best kind of jokes Pluto strikes from the back and destroys Uranus."