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Joke of the Day

"Girls named Miranda never think it's funny when you tell them they have the right to remain silent."

"What is Hitler's least favorite beverage? Juice."

"What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep."

"*peels off yoga pants to reveal even yogier pants*"

"Thinking about making a sitcom where two mermaid guys are roommates and calling it ""tuna half men"""

"What happens when devil worshipers do the rain dance? PrecipiSatan"

"The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done"

"What is the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on."

"Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he's solving a mystery."

"Me and my girlfriend had a suicide pact. One of us got cold feet."