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Joke of the Day

"How does a barnacle like its martinis? On the rocks."

"(Serious) What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died? slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to r/conspiracy for this one."

"My wife said she was feeling Light-Headed from a Low Iron Level... So to help her, I raised the Ironing Board to a more Suitable Height..."

"If I had a dollar for every time I thought of you... ...I would start thinking about you"

"Why did the butcher sell his shop? Because he couldn't meat his expenses"

"CIVIL WAR SPOILER: A lot of people in the South still don't know they lost."

"What does the man say when he walks into the bar? ""Can I please get a drink?"""

"You're never too old to learn something stupid."

"What are feminists best at in mathematics? TRIGGER-nometry"

"How many dead babies does it take to fill up my house? One more."