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Joke of the Day

"New music is so bad you should be cool like me: longing for a fictionalized version of the past you werent even alive for in the first place"

"How do you torture Hellen Keller? Give her a basketball and tell her to read it."

"What did Superman get at the supermarket? A Super Bowl"

"Marijuana does have an adverse effect on my spelling skills. It's to the point that Google even knows when I'm high."

"The difference between kids waking you up and an alarm clock, is that you can throw the alarm across the room"

"My mum said I couldn't go out past 12. My teenage years are going to be very lonely."

"Bruce Wayne: I wanna fight crime. Alfred: You're a billionaire. Open orphanages, free clinics, day care cen- Bruce: No I wanna punch people."

"Why do Jews have blue penises? Because they're tight-fisted wankers."

"If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you're intrested and afraid to talk to girls."

"A car gets better traction in the snow if you throw a couple of coworkers in the trunk."