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Joke of the Day

"Mom: Why are you eating my flowers? Me: I'm gonna be young FOREVER! Mom: How? Me: Duh, from the stem cells. Mom: I'm worried about you."

"Lazlo's Chinese relativity axiom No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats-approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less,"

"Instead of ""single"" as a marital status, it should read ""independently owned and operated"""

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? (NSFW) I'll see you next month."

"Did you hear about the farmer who fell in love with his cows milk? It was his significant udder"

"took a girl to starbucks because i forgot her name"

"What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent? Rice Paddy. - Edit: Credit goes to my nickname from some clever fucker classmate when I was a kid."

"This one took me a while to get when I was a kid: Three guys walk into a bar The fourth one ducked."

"Getting grey hair hurts less when you say you're sprouting tinsel instead."

"Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms."