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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy... ... but some times I just let her sleep."

"Just been watching the Olympic ladies beach volleyball and there's already been a wrist injury. But I should be okay by Monday."

"Did you hear about the pathological liar who went to see the doctor for constipation? He was full of shit"

"Why did the atoms cross the road? It was time to split."

"What do you call someone who smokes two joints? Double jointed."

"Officially committed to Princeton University class of 2019 majoring in women's studies with a concentration in culinary arts"

"Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day? Pupil: The school bus!"

"Racial issues in America are very complex They're not just black and white"

"I don't like using the locker room at the gym cuz the guys always stare when they notice my gym bag is filled with lasagna"

"What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa."