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Joke of the Day
"Knock Knock Whos there Daisy Daisy who Daisy me rollin they hatin"
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"A wolf goes costume shopping... He found a lamb costume on the clearance rack. But it still wasn't sheep enough for him."
"How do you make a Kleenex dance? Blow a little boogie into it!"
"You look like my Asian friend from school. Yeah his name was Ug-lee!"
"my marrige is just like my time in prison nothing but fucking and fighting, Im just kidding I never fought in prison."
"Friend: ""Omg, your parents are so nice!"" ... You: ""It's because you`re here.."""
"When I RT what I'm actually saying is ""Fuck I wish I wrote that"""
"Why isn't there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood."
"How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb? They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it"
"I wish my thumbs had the power of Pandora. I would give people the thumbs down & they'd instantly disappear & be replaced w/ a better one."