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Joke of the Day

"Angela Jolie's scanning the crowd. Anyone who's foreign and underaged goes in the adoption queue. #goldenglobes"

"Rejected names for lumberjacks: -Woodroberts -Treedaves -Logjeffs -Forestbills -Timberjims"

"Teacher: In 1940 what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !"

"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is."

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me? Both! Now get in the fucking van."

"Star Wars Joke Obi Wan Kenobi to Luke Skywalker at a brothel May the whores be with you"

"It would probably be cool to hang out with a witch because you could bake just the biggest cake in her child sized oven."

"So Darth Vader had been plotting against the Emperor for many years By the time return of the Jedi came around, he finally got his chance to overthrow the Emperor."

"So embarrassing -- I was scrolling thru an ex's old photos and accidentally liked one & then called her & told her I still love her & cried"

"A surgeon accidentally removed a women cancerless breast.... Sounds like it was a mastec-to-my"