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Joke of the Day

"A cop stopped me & asked ""do you know why I followed you"" so I said ""cause my tweets are funny"" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in jail."

"What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? ""Some asshole has my pen!"""

"Is BB hungry? No, BB-8."

"I always wanted to be just like my mother. Today I'm working on dramatically clutching my throat when I'm told the price of anything."

"Here's a joke for all you Game of Thrones fans. One day Bran walks into a bar."

"If you've never gotten out of the shower and dried off with paper towels, you probably do your laundry more often than I do."

"Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"

"still waiting to see a used car commercial that looks like they cared enough to do more than one take."

"I don't like rape jokes... they feel kinda forced."

"If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you."