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Joke of the Day

"I don't have tinted windows on my car because if people don't like watching me dance, they can tint their own goddamn windows."

"People got tired of my lactation joke I kept milking it."

"[proctologist's office] ME: *unzipping pants nervously* PROCTOLOGIST: You're nervous, that's normal, but please zip my pants back up."

"What do you call a computerized rock band? ASCII/DSCII"

"Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to ""make it a double""."

"I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR."

"What's the difference between a Feminist and a suicide jacket? Suicide jacket does something when it's triggered."

"How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer"

"So I found out today that I have Alzheimer's..."

"*on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret"