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Joke of the Day

"I hate Sharknado, it is SO unrealistic. Rain? In California? Did they even pretend to research for this movie?"

"What's the difference between a chick and a woman? The chick says ""cock-a-doodle-do"", and the woman says "" any-cock-will-do"""

"I spend so much time in strip clubs that when the pizza delivery guy arrives I put his tip individually around his pants & then slap his ass"

"She left me alone in the house with Cupcakes cooling. Rookie mistake."

"What did the first stop light say to the second stop light? Don't look I'm changing"

"""Ed's Plumbing"" Hi I think an engagement ring is stuck in my toilet ""ok when did your lady drop-"" She didn't ""Sir?"" I hid it in her dessert"

"Why I don't watch science documentaries with my mum. Man on TV: Microwaves travel at the speed of light Mum: Fuck me, that's impressive. Microwaves are heavy."

"I went to a blind fortune teller the other day She looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future."

"Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was ""reduced fat"" so basically it was like going to the gym."

"still waiting for a Discovery Channel ""How It's Made"" episode on babies. otherwise i fear i'll never figure it out"