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Joke of the Day

"What if Titanic was real and not just a movie? Crazy to think about"

"Pro Tip: Use candles to set a romantic mood. Pro Tip Addendum: don't set the romantic mood right by curtains."

"My mother called me a son of a bitch... I barked back angrily."

"Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation.. ~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand"

"*makes eye contact with beautiful woman across fancy restaurant* Waiter, send that woman a glass of your finest Sprite."

"Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you."

"What did the mexican say when two houses fell on him? Get off me, homes!"

"Recall how as children we were told not to make ugly faces because we'd ""stick that way?"" Careful. It works for dumbing ourselves down, too."

"FIRST MONSTER: I fancy eating the city of Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me? SECOND MONSTER: No thanks I can't stand Chinese food."

"I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long."